I Found This Humerus: Why you should take me on your next vacation

I'm not gonna lie, I've been feeling pretty down the last few weeks. I'm generally a pretty happy, upbeat person, but I do feel like I'm wavering on the edge of "mildly"depressed (Can you be mildly depressed?) In my mind, it's a difficult thing to diagnose and I don't want to trivialize depression. I think people are quick to say, "I'm depressed," without fully understanding what depression really is. I've always thought of depression as a chemical imbalance in the brain - not necessarily triggered by an event. It sounds like a horrible thing to me - feeling "down" without really knowing why. The brain is not releasing the neurochemicals the way it's supposed to. How frustrating. I think that the feelings I have, on the other hand, are different. I'm sad because my knees suck. I'm sad because I'm constantly in pain and I can't do the activities that I enjoy doing. Right now, I'd settle for simply being able to walk. My feelings of sadness are directly linked to something shitty in my life. However, I am aware that this low mood could quickly translate into a full-blown depression. I'm cognizant of that and am totally receptive to considering medication that will help my brain produce more happy chemicals. Did you know that there is also research that shows that anti-depressants can increase the release of neurotransmitters that decrease pain signals in the brain. Plus, when you're happy, you are better equipped to deal with stress in your life. So, I'm keeping an eye on things, monitoring how I'm feeling, and maintaining an open mind. Feeling depressed/sad/whatever is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is asking for help when you're not coping well on your own.

On a brighter note, I just returned from a very uplifting, mood-boosting, laughter-filled vacation in the Okanagan. God that place is beautiful. The scenery alone is enough to melt all your worries away - add endless wine samples, ideal weather, and good friends and you have the perfect recipe for happiness.

I found that I am quite a useful accessory on any vacation. Although my present disabled state sucks ass, there are some benefits, you know. First off, the parking is unreal. We basically parked on the grapes at each and every vineyard we visited. Not only is the parking for handicapped folks very conveniently placed, but those spots are massive. You could park sideways and no one would blink an eye, "Oh, look at that poor girl on crutches. Bless her for parking sideways." In addition to exceptional parking, navigating crowds is actually much easier on crutches. Anyone ever try wandering around Banff on a busy weekend? It sucks. People step on you as they strive to capture the perfect picture of a moose in a mounty hat on their iPad. They slam shop doors in your face. People are assholes. Not if you're pathetically shuffling on crutches. These assholes suddenly have a heart and will actually clear a path for you. They run ahead and say, "Let me get that door for you." People seem to genuinely want to make your life easier. It restored my faith in humanity, actually. It's often followed by a 10 minute explanation of, "this one time when I broke my leg..." but whatevs. People love to share tales of misery.

I also managed to score our group a free breakfast at a pro golf tournament. Yep, I'm that good.

Crutching pitifully through the lobby of our hotel, I inquired about the complimentary breakfast for hotel guests.

"You can take the elevator upstairs dear," responded the woman at the front desk sympathetically (everyone speaks to me sympathetically. I'm getting used to it. I've been on and off crutches for a year and half now. I've decided to embrace and milk the sympathy. Why not?)

As I exited the elevator, it was immediately apparent that a ladies golf tournament was taking place at our resort that day. Women sat behind tables, signing in golfers as they entered the restaurant.

"I'm assuming you're not golfing, hon?" asked a woman sympathetically. See? Everyone is sympathetic.

"No, I'm just looking for breakfast," I responded.

The woman pointed me in the direction of the restaurant where a buffet of eggs, bacon, pancakes, and every breakfast food imaginable sat.

Expecting the typical continental breakfast of cereal and muffins, I was immediately taken by the extent of the hotel's breakfast. I went to work filling my plate with all the fixings and chowed down as I waited for my crew to meet up with me.

When my buddies arrived, they marvelled at the complimentary buffet and went to work on their breakfast.

Eventually a waitress stopped at our table and in a hushed tone stated, "This breakfast is actually for the ladies in the pro golf tournament today. Our hotel complimentary breakfast is over there," She gestured toward a wall with cereal and muffins. The waitress then glanced at my crutches and giant pink knee brace, and smiling (sympathetically, of course) said, "But it's fine. Enjoy. Just so you know for next time..."

OMG. How embarrassing. Well, I was embarrassed. My entourage, on the other hand, was ecstatic.

"We scored an awesome free breakfast! Yay for Kirstie and her sad little crutches!"

See. I am useful. Everyone should bring a crutching friend on vacation with them. Guess what? I'm on crutches - pick me! Pick me!

My MRI is set for tomorrow. They will be taking pictures of both knees. I'm nervous and anxious to see why I'm experiencing so much pain. Let's be honest - I'm kinda terrified - terrified of the actual MRI experience as well as what the pictures will show. If they show nothing then why am I having so much pain? If they show bad shit then what does that mean for my future? More surgery? Ugh. Cringe. Puke in my mouth. I've decided to take an pre-MRI Ativan this time. Anyone remember how I totally freaked out at my last MRI? Ya, that wasn't so good. Wish me luck. $5 says I score a sweet parking spot at the hospital :)