Happy Anniversary to my cartilage!

"Hey Dr. M, what are you doing?"

"I'm forming the walls. The cartilage will sit in the hole, touching all surrounding walls."

"Are you making nice vertical walls?"

"Yes, Kirstie. Nice vertical walls."

I recall that conversation in the operating room one year ago like it was yesterday. Although slightly stoned on Versed, I was very much aware and actively participating in my cartilage transplant surgery. Having watched the surgery on youtube multiple times prior, I considered myself practically an orthopedic surgeon and insisted on talking Dr. M through the entire procedure. I'm sure he was thrilled. 

I can't believe it's been a year. 

I remember mildly enjoying my surgery, cracking jokes as Dr. M placed the cartilage implant in my medial formal condyle, as I teased,"No one's ever touched me there before, Dr. M!" and I remember the fear when the anesthetic began to wear off. 

I remember feeling the worst pain I've ever felt in my life hours after my surgery, "It's a 10! I know patients lie all the time, but I'm telling you, it's a 10!" and I remember the security I felt when Evan and my mom held me tight and comforted me that I would be OK. 

I remember coming to the realization that I was physically addicted to painkillers and I remember Dr. M assuring me that I was strong enough to stop. 

I remember the agony of withdrawal as I weaned myself off of those painkillers and I remember the pride I felt when I didn't need them anymore. 

I remember thinking that the world would be a better place without me and I remember realizing that the world wouldn't be the same if I wasn't in it.

I remember the frustration of trying to steer my damn wheelchair and I remember showing off my fabulous crutching skills.

I remember taking my first shaky steps in Dr. M's office, like a baby deer learning to walk for the first time, and I remember wondering if this was as good as it would get.

I remember doubting that the surgery was successful and I remember praying to God that it was. 

I remember trying to take things day-by-day and I remember secretly forecasting and wondering what my status would be in a year's time.

I remember crawling, hopping, limping, walking.

I remember surfing!

I remember the fear, the pain, the doubt. I remember the pride, the excitement, the hope. 

What a year it's been. Happy first anniversary to my cartilage transplant. We are the perfect match, and although we have our struggles, I am confident that we will share a lifetime of happiness together :)

Cheers to my family and friends who have supported me. Cheers to Dr. M for persevering in the search for a solution. Cheers to everyone who makes the choice to donate their organs/tissues. I feel incredibly grateful to have received such a life-changing gift of both the cartilage and the experience, which will forever impact the way that I live my life.