Baby Got Back

I've been pretty candid with you guys regarding the absence of my ass. To my dismay, it disappeared over a year ago when my workout routine was rudely interrupted by my angry knee. With each surgery and recovery, I watched it fade away until I was left with a loooong back that eventually attached to a pair of atrophied thighs. It was upsetting. Some may scoff at this and say, "I wish I could lose some of my ass!" Trust me. You don't. The butt is a beautiful thing, people. And aesthetically necessary. You see, all pants have a special place for a bottom. No bum? Tough luck. Your pants look stupid. I recall shopping for dress pants with Lawyer's hubby, Darren (because he will tell you exactly what he thinks) and he strongly suggested that I sport skirts until something that remotely resembled a rear end appeared on my body. Having no butt made me feel weak, unhealthy, and Justin Bieberish.

Since I've received clearance from physio in early October, I have made it my mission to get my ass back. It even made #7 on my "cool shit I will do once my knee works" list.  I decided that it was time to boost this booty. Tighten the tush. Junk up the trunk. Bring back the badonkadonk.

The bottom line (no pun intended): I've been working my butt off ON.

I wish I had a proper before and after shot, or even some legit measurements. I don't. But being that I am very familiar with my ass (we've known each other intimately for 34 years), I can guarantee you that although it's no Kim Kardashian or J-LO, there is now visual evidence that a legit bum separates my lower back from my thighs. Whoot Whoot!

Obviously, I couldn't have done it without my new cartilage. You rock, cartilage - thank you! In addition, there are a few key players that I'd like to thank:

1) Cafeteria lady at the hospital- Thank you for that extra large serving of cheesy lasagna, cheesy macaroni, and cheesy pizza. I'm certain that all that cheese contributed to booty. I do; however, have terrible acid reflux and will be avoiding you from now on.

2) Dr. Phil - I made it my goal to hold a 30 second hip bridge every single time the camera panned on Robin (Dr. Phil's wife) making a shocked/dismayed/yet attractive facial expression during the 60 minute show. It happens a lot. Trust me.

3) Sir Mix-a-Lot a lot via Evan Lindsay's cell phone - Thank you, Ev, for changing your alarm to the classic tune, "Baby Got Back." Waking up every morning to "Oh my god, Becky, look at that butt..." seriously inspired me on a daily basis.

So Ladies! (yeah) Ladies! (yeah) 
You wanna roll in my Mercedes?
Turn around, stick it out
Even white boys gotta shout
Baby got back.